Nerves can tire, they can confuse logic, and they can change things from simple to complex. They can do this when nothing of the actual situation has changed.
Nerves and the effect they have on our body prove the point that things in life could possibly be changed with mind over matter. That the mind can alter the matter that makes us.
The thought of auditioning for season 4 of The Voice at first made me a little nervous. I think because it is something that is way, way more than I can imagine. Sure you can dream, sure you can think it would be amazing to do something like the show…but reality tells you that the odds are not in your favor and you will never make it. So you don’t really ever expect to have to go past the dream state.
When I first let the fact set in that I would be auditioning for The Voice it was bit overwhelming. Shivering actually. To think that I would be singing for a couple of people who if they are impressed enough…would be able to send me to LA for the final audition. Well if I then do good enough at the final audition…then I could be on the actual show in the “Blind Audition” phase. What…what…burr it is getting cold in here. Oh, wait…that is just me shivering with nerves. But I don’t get nervous, do I?
I have no issues singing in front of many, many people…that is a fact. I actually enjoy the game of blooming on the stage into something other than boring old Mark Young the Seattle, WA singer/songwriter. I like to know that I can become something other than myself…to move people. But there is a comfort level knowing that the people I normally sing for are there to hear HISTORY for SALE or the other bands that might be playing the same bill…that there is a simple and small purpose in what is happening in the bar, at the fair, or wherever we may be playing.
This difference in possible end results is where my initial nerves have started to be tickled. The Voice and the what-if’s that it represents is something potentially so much bigger than anything I have ever done. Do I see myself on a stage with such outreach…YES! Did I ever think that I would be able to have a shot at it…NO!
So now that I have a shot at something so large…the nerves find their way to the dinner table. They search around till they find what they hunger. And in this instance…they hunger and prey upon my weakness. The weakness of thinking that you are not good enough. Not good enough to be a part of something so grand. So large.
Some who might someday read this blog might see this as fishing for compliments…grasping for affirmation from family or friends. But there are 1001 AH-FUCKING-MAZING singers and storytellers in the world. So why in the matrix of life and happenings do they think that I am good enough to step to the mic? Why do they think that I am worth occupying an audition slot for these “Industry Referral” auditions?
Those nerves and I have been chatting and they keep telling me that I am not good enough to make it. Those nerves are tiring me…wearing me down. Such an epic battle in the mind. I think though that I have them under control.
I have been talking it through in my brain…this crazy little 15 minute audition. While I was up on the roof this past weekend putting up christmas lights…listening to my BLAKE SHELTON station on Pandora…I think I figured out why this isn’t such a bad thing, why I shouldn’t be nervous.
I didn’t seek this out. They contacted me for the audition…based on the fact that they like what they have heard thus far. There is enough interest in my backstory to offer the time to learn more of me. The audition is private, and top tier straight to “GO”. They want me to be there. There are no negatives…
So that is where I am at as of this week…this Thursday night the 29th. I have two weeks till the audition and I am now not nervous about The Voice, this season 4 “Industry Referral” audition, any of it really. I am actually really looking forward to it and doing my best to impress. I will get to go into a recording studio. I will get to sing 3 songs with backing tracks (hopefully 3 unless I bring’eth the suck). It is on a weekend, so I don’t even have to take time off of work. I guess there is nothing to be nervous or worry about. I was invited.
Time to go into BEAST MODE.
